Avonex

A Valentine’s Day Meditation On My MS Medications: 2021

I have five exes. Five medications I allowed to enter my body because I believed they would stand up for me against my nemesis, multiple sclerosis (MS).

One of my exes hurt me. One of them stood me up— then ran into trouble with the law the morning after our one-night stand.   One was nice, but ineffectual. One of them transitioned to a long distance relationship, then went on the market, then made me a widow.  The last ex was only effective at making me blush. I am currently unattached to any medication on the commercial market.  I do have a new partner, though, one I find very satisfying. Read on.

I hooked up with Avonex in ’96. Let’s say that Avonex was like that kid who impresses all the grownups with his good looks and good manners, then insults them all behind their backs.

Avonex was my first. He caused me nothing but pain.

The day I started Avonex, my breasts were rock hard, and weeping. I had made a sacrifice for Avonex; I had weaned my sixth month old son. The Avonex needle was long, the procedure confusing. After each weekly injection, I ached all over for days. Everyone said it would get easier. I never did get used to the needle, or the muscle aches, or the joint aches, or the flu-like symptoms. Only my boobs bounced back.

Avonex and I only lasted nine months. Not my fault. I injected faithfully. Avonex didn’t hold up his end of the bargain. I had another MS attack. After all my patience, through all my pain, Avonex had done nothing to fend off MS. As soon as I got back from the hospital stay, I called it quits with Avonex. I was tired of being his pin-cushion. Cutting my ties with Avonex meant cutting off the entire Interferon family. I wouldn’t give his cousin, Betaseron, so much as a glance. Was it a clean break? No. Avonex was clingy. It took months—no—years, before I stopped feeling lingering joint pain from you-know-who. Since then, I’ve met only one girl who claimed Avonex was treating her right. I wished her good luck. Avonex just wasn’t my type.

After Avonex, I went on a series of blind dates down in New Haven in a clinical trial for rock star Tysabri. I wasn’t allowed to know if I was with the real Tysabri, or his placebo twin brother. As the lack-luster months went by, I began to suspect I wasn’t involved with the rock star I was hearing so many great things about. I sure wasn’t dancing until three in the morning, or resuming my tight rope routine. I did my due diligence, and kept making trips to New Haven for the sake of science until the study was up.

Once the Tysabri trial was over, I went for wholesome boy-next-door Copaxone. Which was better than nothing. Or so I was told. Copaxone required a shot every day.  The needle was…small. The side effects were…non-existent. Copaxone wasn’t going to hurt me. But did it help me? I couldn’t tell.

I believed in Copaxone. I had hope for our future. I shot up faithfully, day after day after day. I felt sorry for other girls, stuck with fickle meds that gave them nothing but side effects. Over the years, maybe I got too complacent. Maybe I ignored a couple of symptoms I shouldn’t have, like my fingertips going all numb and tingly.

When I relapsed on Copaxone, I did not even know it. I was shocked to learn my brain had developed a black hole. Copaxone let me down gently, which made the betrayal all the more insidious. I had no choice but to call it quits.

After I dumped boy-next-door Copaxone, I wanted to go for Tysabri. The real Tysabri. The rock star. After all those precious months I’d invested with the placebo twin in the Tysabri trial, I felt I deserved the real thing.

Tysabri and I did finally hook up, but it turned out to be a one night stand. The very next day, the Feds found out about Tysabri patients who died in the trials, and the parent company yanked Tysabri off the market. Maybe I was actually lucky to have been matched with that boring old placebo. I later learned we are incompatible.

Tysabri and me were not meant to be.

Looking back, I wonder if I got benefit from any of those early exes. I relapsed on all of them. They were all expensive, with price tags of over 1k/month. Did any of those fancy boys slow down the progress of MS even a little bit? I’ll never know. Perhaps all I got out of those medications was a sense of hope. A false hope can get a girl out of bed in the morning. Which is all very nice, but a false hope can also keep a girl from looking for The One.

When Tysabri dropped out of the picture, I had a nice long cry in the shower. Then I got online to hunt for the next dreamboat. As one does. I was desperate, so I was willing to get a little kinky. The med I chose wasn’t actually being prescribed for people with MS. It was being prescribed for organ transplant recipients. But I figured it worked the way I needed it to; it calmed the immune system. I persuaded a brilliant researcher to prescribe Zenapax off-label. The next three years were our honeymoon years. I would get a monthly blast of Zenapax through IV.  Whoah, baby! I never felt so alive. Like a superwoman. My relapses stopped. My body was fully functional. I knew not to take that gift for granted. I got fit. I got happy.

Then one day, Zenapax went away. The brilliant researcher had taken all the inventory in the United States to use in a study at the NIH (National Institutes of Health.) She changed his name to DAC-HYP, and changed the delivery method to sub-q. I was willing to be flexible. DAC and I had a long distance thing going for years. I would fly in to Baltimore, stay in hotels, meet up at the NIH. DAC continued to protect me from MS progression, but our relationship was not the same. With the sub-q injections, I no longer felt like a superwoman. But I stayed faithful.

When DAC finally got FDA approval, he changed his name again. He went on the market as Zinbryta. I thought  that once other girls with MS got to know him, they would all be changed, like I was. That happy ending was not to be. There were rumors against Zinbryta from the start. Black box warnings. A few people died in Europe. The FDA had him bumped off. I became a widow.

I kind of wanted to stay single for a while. Play the field. I found the field was full of possibilities…that were fairly ineffectual for anyone over the age 50. Nonetheless, no one likes to see an unattached MS patient. I felt a lot of pressure to move on to the next med. My doctor fixed me up with Tecfidera.

Tecfidera made me blush. But not in a good way. My skin would go hot and fierce from head to toe. I blamed myself for my reactions—don’t we all do this, ladies, when we are in a bad relationship? I thought maybe I should remember to take Tylenol. Or maybe eat more fat. Or maybe I should….

When Covid struck, I though maybe I should dump Tecfidera. Maybe I didn’t need any interference in my already complicated immune system.

For the last year, I’ve been practicing Qigong. It’s good medicine. And it doesn’t favor younger women. The only side effects so far have been health and happiness. And here’s the wild part. My husband has gotten into practicing Qigong alongside me every night. We’ve got a threesome going on.

p.s. My thanks and praises for this illustration goes to artist Robyn Singerman, TA for my Artist as Writer class this semester.

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Flummoxed (part 1 of ?)

I took my first Tecfidera pill one week ago after dinner. About three hours later, I sat up in bed next to my soundly sleeping husband: it felt like I was wearing a prickly cap of molten lava. I sat there very quietly for a hours, a red-hot target,  wondering what to do.

Dr. Z did say that “facial flushing” was a common side effect of the drug. He had suggested I take an aspirin thirty minutes before taking Tecfidera. But had I done that? No. I had a rationale:  I always plan on not getting the listed side effects. I am as suggestible as the next person, which is to say, wildly suggestible. I try to compensate by kind of not paying attention to the fine print until I have to.  I have enough going on with my health without taking on any unnecessary burden of invented symptoms. By this semi-logic, taking an aspirin would have been given too much credence to a possibility of a side effect I’d rather not invent. Alas, I got the side effect anyway.

And then some.

As I sat there, sweating, burning, I thought, This cannot be good. Nothing feeds the demon of multiple sclerosis like elevated body heat. It makes symptoms leap into action like bacon grease on skillet. I realized I hadn’t even asked about the mechanisms behind how the drug worked. What if it didn’t work for me at all?

I was aware—and you may as well be aware, too—that MS drugs work less and less effectively as a patient gets older. I used to suspect that the daclizumab which had worked for me so well for me as an infusion in my thirties was simply less effective in the Zinbryta formulation I injected in my forties and at age fifty. But no. As it turns out, my cells were getting less effective. Here’s a link to a paper that illustrates it all beautifully. The paper is an easy read if you are fluent in statistical and neurological terms. Which I am not. But even I can read a graph with a steady downward angle and notice there aren’t even many people my age in MS drug studies to begin with. And when we are present, we make the results look a lot less spectacular. Long story short: If you want an MS medication to work at its best, be younger.

I wasn’t getting any younger. The new pharmaceutical options invented during my twelve years on daclizumab were turning out to be mostly inaccessible to me. My elevated antigen, and the associated higher risk of potentially fatal PML,  eliminated many of the new high performing drugs.  My elevated cancer risk eliminated Ocrevus, the only drug with promising results for people with progressing multiple sclerosis. Yes—I’d learned in an email from Dr. Bielekova that I am progressing. She’d written:

We also know much more about FDA-approved MS drugs in general then we knew when we met: these drugs are not a cure. Their efficacy is highest when they are started very early on in MS, but declines afterwards. They do not penetrate well into the brain tissue, where the inflammation hides. This type of inflammation we call “compartmentalized inflammation” and it is not inhibited by current MS drugs. You have some of this compartmentalized inflammation.

It had been validating to read that. I’d known it was getting more difficult to function, even as the MRI’s failed to reveal any new lesions. I’d known…deep in my cells, I guess, that those MRI’s weren’t telling the whole story.

And I knew, as I sat there and burned, that Tecfidera wasn’t going to do a thing for the compartmentalized inflammation caused by this latter phase of MS. At best, it would fend off the cruel, lesion producing exacerbations of my earlier phase of MS. It has been years since I’ve had to contend with one of those. But as Dr. Z put it, I was “not out of the woods yet.”

I’d been, briefly, on Dr. Bielekova’s trial of drugs that could possibly address the compartmentalized inflammation, but I’d had to withdraw from it once Zinbryta got pulled from the market. I could not return to the NIH (National Institutes of Health) until I started a new medical regimen. As the sky lightened, and the burning receded, I was thinking Tecfidera would not be the drug for me.

How did I wind up dutifully taking my next dose of Tecfidera that morning after breakfast? What persuaded me to give the drug another chance? I don’t believe in giving drugs a chance—not if they come with side effects. Back when Avonex came on the market in the ’90’s, I promised my then-neurologist I would give the drug a full year. I stopped breastfeeding my son to go on that drug. Those weekly Avonex injections gave me “flu-like symptoms” of fever and bone ache that lasted half the week. For my troubles, I got two severe MS exacerbations before that first year was through. I quit after the second exacerbation. The bone ache plagued me for years afterward. I’d felt like such a sucker.

Nothing happened immediately  after I took the pill. I played with my dogs, pulled some weeds, and went to yoga. My friend Monica and I were halfway through lunch when I asked her if my face was getting a little flushed. She said, “Now that you mention it, you’re bright red.” As we were leaving, she asked if I thought I could drive home safely. I said I’d be fine. But once I sat in the car, I looked down and saw my legs were red. I  ran across the parking lot, rapped on her car window and asked for a hug. She was out of her car in a flash.

Monica noticed my legs were “a funny pattern.” I will spare you the photograph she took. It matched the photo Google gave me when I typed in “hives.” I’d remembered the information packet explicitly said not to use Tecfidera if you have an allergic reaction. This looked like an allergic reaction to us. Monica insisted I call our neurologist, insisted on remaining by my side. She stayed with me as I left all the information with the clinic. Then I went home, and went on a research tear. By the time Dr. Z. called me, maybe a scant hour later, I was toggling between screens on my computer: my medical records,  the Tecfidera Facebook page, the Important Safety Information page on the drug site,  two challenging articles in the Frontiers in Neurology site. I was overwhelmed. Flummoxed.

Was what I had a side effect, or an allergic reaction? And did it really matter? My body didn’t like this drug. Twenty plus years of yoga and even more years of multiple sclerosis, had taught me to listen to my body.  Yet there was too much at stake to respond with mere intuition. I was eager to listen to my neurologist.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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just my luck

The Game of Life with Multiple Sclerosis

I woke up this morning with a great idea for new board game. I’ll call it: The Game of Life with Multiple Sclerosis.
The board game would be in the shape of a circle, the circle of life. There will be three concentric circles within it; three tracks connected by chutes. The outside circle is the longest. At about 45 degrees, the spaces within the circle change color, from Green to Red. Once you hit the Red spaces, you have entered the territory of Relapsing/Remitting Multiple Sclerosis. From now on, every time you roll an odd number in this territory, you have to draw a card from the Symptom Deck. This deck is quite thick. The Symptom Cards include:

Vision Loss (apply blindfold, included. Request assistance from Strong Alliance)
Weakness (roll your next turn with only 1 dice)
Sensory Symptoms (lose 2 Happiness Points)
Pain (lose 10 Happiness Points, lose a turn at forming Weak Alliances)
Bowel problems (lose 100 Pride Points, lose 60 Happiness Points, lose 1 Weak Alliance)
Bladder Problems (lose 10 Pride Points, lose 20 Happiness Points, lose weakest Weak Alliances)
Fatigue (miss a turn)
Loss of Balance (lose 50 Pride Points. One mis-step off the board. Request assistance from Strong Alliance)
Sexual Dysfunction (lose 100 Pride Points, lose the strongest of the Strong Alliance)
Mood Dysfunction (lose 100 Happiness Points, all Pride Points per turn, deduct 10 points from strength of all Alliances)
Cognitive impairment (regain all Pride Points, lose all Alliances)

Are we having fun yet?
As long as you are in the Relapsing/Remitting territory, you can discard each of these Symptom Cards after one turn. Phew. Unless you roll doubles on your next turn. Then you have to keep that Symptom Card until the end of the game.
There is one consolation. A Symptom Card loses half of its power over Happiness and Pride after the initial impact, because the novelty wears off, and the player adjusts.
If you collect too many Symptom Cards, you slide down a chute, and you spiral into the middle circle.
The middle circle is the Secondary Progressive section of the game. All these spaces are blue. As before, you have to collect a new Symptom Cards every time you roll an odd number. The difference is, you can’t discard it when your turn is over. Collect too many Symptom Cards, and you spiral into the inner circle.
The inner circle is the Primary Progressive loop. It’s the smallest circle, with the shortest life span. All these spaces are purple. In this section, we collect a new Symptom Card on every turn. If we roll doubles, the effect of the new Symptom Card doubles.
OK. Who wants to play?
Anyone?
Anyone?
The game I’ve just described is pretty much the landscape I was presented with at my initial diagnosis.
Did I want to play? No way.
To ease my mind, my neurologist presented me with the Drug Cards.
The Drug Cards were pitched as the ultimate accessories in the Game of Life with Multiple Sclerosis. If I rolled a high enough number while in possession of a Drug Card, I could take a pass on collecting a new Symptom card. With a Drug Card, I could potentially skate above the Secondary Progressive and Primary Progressive territories, and win the game.
There was a catch. Each Drug Card comes with Side Effects.
The Drug Cards I was presented with were as follows:

Avonex: 10 Happiness Points for taking control minus 1 Happiness Points per shot for discomfort. Side Effects? Roll the dice. Collect:
Headaches (deduct 50 Happiness)
Flu-like symptoms (deduct 100 Happiness)
Muscle pain (deduct 100 Happiness)
Weakness (deduct 50 Happiness)
Nausea (deduct 10 Happiness)
General body pain (deduct 100 Happiness)
Fever (deduct 10 Happiness)

Betaseron: 10 Happiness Points for taking control minus 1 Happiness Points per shot for discomfort. Side Effects? Roll the dice. Collect:

Skin reactions at the injection site (deduct 1 Happiness)
Flu-like symptoms (deduct 100 Happiness)
Weakness (deduct 50 Happiness)
Headaches (deduct 50 Happiness)
Pain (deduct 100 Happiness)
Muscle pain (deduct 100 Happiness)
Insomnia (deduct 50 Happiness)

Copaxone: 10 Happiness Points for taking control minus 2 Happiness Points per shot for discomfort. Side Effects? Roll the dice. Collect:
Pain (deduct 100 Happiness)
Redness (deduct 10 Pride)
Infection (deduct 10 Pride)
Inflammation (deduct 10 Pride)
Itching (deduct 10 Happiness)

Once you choose a drug, you gain 100 Pride Points. You also gain Side Effects. With each Side Effect, you lose 10 Happiness Points and 10 Pride Points. Once you’ve earned your Side Effects, you roll the dice to see how effective your Drug Card really is. The higher the Effectiveness roll, the higher the likelihood you won’t have to draw a Symptom Card, and the higher the Happiness Points will be. Unfortunately, after a few rolls, you find you can’t roll two dice anymore. You roll one. Soon you discover your Drug Card isn’t that effective. You find yourself drawing from the Symptom Card deck.

Spoiler Alert: I’ll tell what I’ve discovered about the Drug Cards I was dealt in the early years. They are all useless.

This is only one of the many startling revelations you will encounter in the Game of Life with MS.

You discover at some point in the game that the Pride Points are worse than useless. Pride Points detract from Happiness. You discover Weak Alliances are also potentially useless. You can convert Weak Alliances into Strong Alliances, but only if you play your cards right.

For every five cards you are dealt, good or bad, you gain access to one Wisdom Card. Those Wisdom Cards come in handy. Wisdom Cards become your currency. You’ll need some currency, because all your money cards fly out the window after the Drugs. If you accumulate a big pile of Wisdom cards, you can share them with other players when they hit rough spots, thereby creating more Alliances. There will be times when you will need Alliances; you never know when you might draw a Vision Loss Card, and have to wear the blindfold, or a Balance Loss Card, and need a nudge back on the board. Alliances give you Happiness Points. When your Alliances help you out, they get Happiness Points, too. The longer you are in the Game, the stronger your Alliances become. Turns out, you can keep on earning Alliances from any territory on the board, though the smaller the spiral, the harder it is to gain a Weak Alliance. But once you gain one, there is also more potential for it to form into a Strong Alliance. It all depends on how many Wisdom Cards you and the other player have accumulated between you.
Those Wisdom Cards, and those Strong Alliances, they give you Happiness Points. Oddly enough, I’m starting to learn you could potentially wind up with more Happiness Points in the purple section, Primary Progressive, than some players starting off in the green. But that’s only if you play your cards right.

What kind of game is Life with Multiple Sclerosis? At first glance, it’s a game of chance. But the longer you are in it, the more you learn it is also a game of endurance.

Would I play the game of Life with Multiple Sclerosis if I didn’t have to? Hell, no. But I’m not ready to fold.

Look here. I finished another blog entry. I earned another Happiness Point. I hope you did, too. This game’s not over yet.

http://multiple-sclerosis.emedtv.com/avonex/avonex-side-effects.html

http://multiple-sclerosis.emedtv.com/betaseron/betaseron-side-effects.html

http://multiple-sclerosis.emedtv.com/copaxone/copaxone-side-effects.html

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